You know, I always thought people who said that they believed in destiny just needed to lay off the weed & get lives... I mean, really, what is this destiny crap? "Oh, I believe the cosmos know just what is going to happen to me..." I took a class in college called "Game Theory." It's a realist's view of the universe, and fit me to a tee. I guess it's because I have a very rational, logical view of life: It is what you make it.
But the events the past few weeks have made me start to question that disbelief in destiny. As a Catholic, I should really just say "well, it's in God's hands, and he will do with it as he chooses." But I have a hard time giving up that kind of control to God--After all, last time I did that I ended up in a lab at 4am wondering if I could will protein bands to move on a gel faster... In any case, things are just aligning. It's strange. Perhaps part of it is just my outlook on life: Everything happens for a reason--it's how you deal with it that makes all the difference. That isn't the same thing as "Destiny." It's more of the realization that not everything's within our control, and we just have to give up trying to control that which we can't.
I think it's that way with grades. I was talking to a classmate today, who didn't do really well in 1 class. They are convinced that it will drop them out of law review. My answer to them was "you can't control how other people do, only yourself." I don't necessarily share that person's belief that finals are "all luck," but I do think that at some point, what will be will be, and it's how you react to it that matters.
People are still moping about today. I think it'll be better once the school publishes the GPA scaling--i.e. how everyone fell out statistically. Maybe that will make people with 3.3 GPAs not feel like the world is ending, or people with 3.5 GPAs realize they're pretty close to the top of the class. Either or, it'll be interesting to watch peoples' reactions change once the scaling is published.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Monday, January 21, 2008
Grades
Grades are in.
I guess I was waiting to post about finals until I got my grades... unsure of how I did, unsure of how the forced curve would work. Grades are a funny thing--a lot of people say they are the great equalizer, they are what take a 1L class & level the playing field... but after watching peoples' reactions to grades over the past few days, all I can see is a lot of heartache, wandering, and wondering, "How did that happen?" It is a lot like watching a community grieve. If there were something more defined to grieve for, maybe it would all make more sense... but there's not. Everyone you see is grieving for a different reason: some didn't get anywhere near the GPA they wanted, some are disappointed in a certain grade, while others mourn the notion that they don't really have a chance anymore to make Law Review.
And I guess that's what this is about to most people: Making Law Review... that 2 letter word that will open interviewers doors, that will write you a ticket to success... the first thing anyone looks for on your resume, and the only thing you've heard about for months, if not years... Law Review... I don't really understand the aura that surrounds Law Review. Maybe it's from my experiences as an undergrad, where everyone moved to the beat of their own drummer... where grades was more about doing well for yourself, then beating any classmate... where the seasons didn't begin & end with the posting of the grades. Or maybe it's from my years removed from undergrad... listening to stories & watching people go through real life difficulties in the military, and then going back to my alma mater & seeing the "other side" of the coin, from the professor angle as a grad student... Maybe it's my mentor's voice saying inside my head, "They are but one letter. They only represent you as much as you allow them to. They only control you as much as you allow it." Or maybe it's just my feeling that, like so many other things, they just are what they are... that they don't define me or rule me, that they are just more checkpoints along my journey. Either way, the hysteria that looms just below the surface at school as everyone goes through their own post-mortem mourning rituals, really makes me take a step back and wonder about what this is we are all striving for.
For me, I seek the knowledge. I will admit it: I love law school. Oh, I don't love everything about it--for instance, if I didn't have my civil procedure professor, I would probably love it a lot more... but still, I enjoy the topics. There are some classes I just outright adore, and others that I tolerate, but over all, I love it. I guess perhaps I haven't had this feeling very often about school... I have had it about many other things, but usually not about school. This time though, this time it's for me. I am at school because I want to be, I am pursing a law degree because I want to. And perhaps that is the difference between so many people & myself.
We had a mandatory career workshop last week. The counselor asked us all to write down why we wanted to be lawyers. You'd be surprised at the number of people who couldn't come up with a good reason. Which begs the question... WHY ARE YOU HERE?! Perhaps I am in the lucky minority that actually wants to be a lawyer. Perhaps it is just my years away from undergrad, having wandered over many paths, in many different directions, always learning something but never quite finding "the right thing" to do. Or maybe it's just cynicism... but seriously, if it is January 2008, you best know why you want to be a lawyer. Or else, what has been driving you this whole time?? What makes you tick?? Baffles the mind, sometimes.
And this brings me back to my oratory about grades. Did I do well? Yeah. Did I do well enough to make law review here? Probably. Am I in the top 10% of the class? Probably, though the statistics haven't been posted yet, so the jury is still out on that. Do I care? Well, only so much as I put in a lot of effort last semester, so I am glad to see it rewarded... and that it will help me do other things... but I am certainly not resting on my laurels (they have barely even had time to blossom), nor am I terribly too "excited"... after all, it's 12 credits & 4 months. I'm 25 yrs old and have hundreds of credits to my name. Perspective. All about perspective.
People frequently have been asking me what my grades were. I am hesitant to talk about it, mostly because one of two things happens. Either they get quiet & give me a look of "Oh, so YOU'RE my competition for law review..." or it's an awkward moment where they realize that they didn't do nearly as well & are somewhat embarrassed for having even asked me what my grades were. I am going to make T-shirts: "I am NOT your competition for Law Review, so you can treat me like a human being." It's like suddenly I have leprecy. I get good grades & all of a sudden no one wants to get near me. They find out what I get & then they go back to ignoring me again. And so is the status quo.
Bottom line? I wish we didn't get grades at all. It would certainly make for a more educational, cooperative environment. But until then, grow up people, life is too short to care about letters.
I guess I was waiting to post about finals until I got my grades... unsure of how I did, unsure of how the forced curve would work. Grades are a funny thing--a lot of people say they are the great equalizer, they are what take a 1L class & level the playing field... but after watching peoples' reactions to grades over the past few days, all I can see is a lot of heartache, wandering, and wondering, "How did that happen?" It is a lot like watching a community grieve. If there were something more defined to grieve for, maybe it would all make more sense... but there's not. Everyone you see is grieving for a different reason: some didn't get anywhere near the GPA they wanted, some are disappointed in a certain grade, while others mourn the notion that they don't really have a chance anymore to make Law Review.
And I guess that's what this is about to most people: Making Law Review... that 2 letter word that will open interviewers doors, that will write you a ticket to success... the first thing anyone looks for on your resume, and the only thing you've heard about for months, if not years... Law Review... I don't really understand the aura that surrounds Law Review. Maybe it's from my experiences as an undergrad, where everyone moved to the beat of their own drummer... where grades was more about doing well for yourself, then beating any classmate... where the seasons didn't begin & end with the posting of the grades. Or maybe it's from my years removed from undergrad... listening to stories & watching people go through real life difficulties in the military, and then going back to my alma mater & seeing the "other side" of the coin, from the professor angle as a grad student... Maybe it's my mentor's voice saying inside my head, "They are but one letter. They only represent you as much as you allow them to. They only control you as much as you allow it." Or maybe it's just my feeling that, like so many other things, they just are what they are... that they don't define me or rule me, that they are just more checkpoints along my journey. Either way, the hysteria that looms just below the surface at school as everyone goes through their own post-mortem mourning rituals, really makes me take a step back and wonder about what this is we are all striving for.
For me, I seek the knowledge. I will admit it: I love law school. Oh, I don't love everything about it--for instance, if I didn't have my civil procedure professor, I would probably love it a lot more... but still, I enjoy the topics. There are some classes I just outright adore, and others that I tolerate, but over all, I love it. I guess perhaps I haven't had this feeling very often about school... I have had it about many other things, but usually not about school. This time though, this time it's for me. I am at school because I want to be, I am pursing a law degree because I want to. And perhaps that is the difference between so many people & myself.
We had a mandatory career workshop last week. The counselor asked us all to write down why we wanted to be lawyers. You'd be surprised at the number of people who couldn't come up with a good reason. Which begs the question... WHY ARE YOU HERE?! Perhaps I am in the lucky minority that actually wants to be a lawyer. Perhaps it is just my years away from undergrad, having wandered over many paths, in many different directions, always learning something but never quite finding "the right thing" to do. Or maybe it's just cynicism... but seriously, if it is January 2008, you best know why you want to be a lawyer. Or else, what has been driving you this whole time?? What makes you tick?? Baffles the mind, sometimes.
And this brings me back to my oratory about grades. Did I do well? Yeah. Did I do well enough to make law review here? Probably. Am I in the top 10% of the class? Probably, though the statistics haven't been posted yet, so the jury is still out on that. Do I care? Well, only so much as I put in a lot of effort last semester, so I am glad to see it rewarded... and that it will help me do other things... but I am certainly not resting on my laurels (they have barely even had time to blossom), nor am I terribly too "excited"... after all, it's 12 credits & 4 months. I'm 25 yrs old and have hundreds of credits to my name. Perspective. All about perspective.
People frequently have been asking me what my grades were. I am hesitant to talk about it, mostly because one of two things happens. Either they get quiet & give me a look of "Oh, so YOU'RE my competition for law review..." or it's an awkward moment where they realize that they didn't do nearly as well & are somewhat embarrassed for having even asked me what my grades were. I am going to make T-shirts: "I am NOT your competition for Law Review, so you can treat me like a human being." It's like suddenly I have leprecy. I get good grades & all of a sudden no one wants to get near me. They find out what I get & then they go back to ignoring me again. And so is the status quo.
Bottom line? I wish we didn't get grades at all. It would certainly make for a more educational, cooperative environment. But until then, grow up people, life is too short to care about letters.
Monday, January 7, 2008
Finals, et.al.
Wow, it has been far too long since I posted. That's because the marathon that is finals hit me like a caste iron kettle. Everyone warns you: first year fall law school finals are horrific. Well, that's true, but not in the ways most people think. Here's the thing about law school finals: it's mastering a game. Really, that's all law school is in general--learning how to play the game, then learning how to kick it's butt. It's all about studying smart--not studying harder, just smarter.
Outlines: Starting my outlines in October was immensly helpful- it allowed me to consolidate my notes early & often, I wasn't forgetting concepts we learned in September, and best of all, come finals, I didn't really have much work on my outlines to do. So definitely the earlier the better... Once reading period hit, I simply had to make quick sheets off of my outlines. A lot less work at a time when I really could use any help I could get.
Studying: My law school is bizarre in the way they do finals. Basically it's final-off day-off day-final. Repeat cycle 5x, except at one point we had an extra day in between & then the last final we only had 1 day in between. So it works out to the same thing overall. So here's the problem. At the start of finals, you don't think it's going to be so bad... then you take 1 final... then 2... and you start to realize you're getting mentally tired... and then comes the 3rd final, and all you want to do is sleep... So it becomes a game with yourself to try & focus, to push through, to get to the end. I ended up taking the day after a final off, then doing 8hr or so of studying the day before the next one, and that way I wasn't so burned out that I couldn't focus. But yeah, it was a definite marathon. There's nothing to equate it to. I can't even think of anything that felt like that. My Masters thesis didn't even come close...
Finals: Oi. That's all I have to say on that. What a mess. Everyone stuffed into classrooms with their laptops & earplugs, typing like bats outta hell for the entire time period so that they can try & give enough verbal dysentery to pass the course. I only stayed till near the end on one exam... Otherwise, I went in, wrote, and left. I have learned my lesson over time on changing multiple choice answers--DONT DO IT. Never worth it in the end, unless you are 100% sure you picked the wrong thing. And law school multiple choice?! Dear god... profs don't get that multiple choice is NOT short essay. Take CivPro. The prof had about 20pp of them. TWENTY PAGES! It was like having to dive into reading Cell Bio essays & pull apart what is good & what is just total trash writing. It was a nightmare. Those were the worst, though other classes were nearly as bad. Contracts had a long essay on something we barely touched on in class. But such is life, right? I'll write more on actual finals in late Jan, when grades come out. I am not jinxing myself. But, yeah, they went fine... right... A little worried I didn't pass 1 of them... other then that I am feeling sort of ok...
Outlines: Starting my outlines in October was immensly helpful- it allowed me to consolidate my notes early & often, I wasn't forgetting concepts we learned in September, and best of all, come finals, I didn't really have much work on my outlines to do. So definitely the earlier the better... Once reading period hit, I simply had to make quick sheets off of my outlines. A lot less work at a time when I really could use any help I could get.
Studying: My law school is bizarre in the way they do finals. Basically it's final-off day-off day-final. Repeat cycle 5x, except at one point we had an extra day in between & then the last final we only had 1 day in between. So it works out to the same thing overall. So here's the problem. At the start of finals, you don't think it's going to be so bad... then you take 1 final... then 2... and you start to realize you're getting mentally tired... and then comes the 3rd final, and all you want to do is sleep... So it becomes a game with yourself to try & focus, to push through, to get to the end. I ended up taking the day after a final off, then doing 8hr or so of studying the day before the next one, and that way I wasn't so burned out that I couldn't focus. But yeah, it was a definite marathon. There's nothing to equate it to. I can't even think of anything that felt like that. My Masters thesis didn't even come close...
Finals: Oi. That's all I have to say on that. What a mess. Everyone stuffed into classrooms with their laptops & earplugs, typing like bats outta hell for the entire time period so that they can try & give enough verbal dysentery to pass the course. I only stayed till near the end on one exam... Otherwise, I went in, wrote, and left. I have learned my lesson over time on changing multiple choice answers--DONT DO IT. Never worth it in the end, unless you are 100% sure you picked the wrong thing. And law school multiple choice?! Dear god... profs don't get that multiple choice is NOT short essay. Take CivPro. The prof had about 20pp of them. TWENTY PAGES! It was like having to dive into reading Cell Bio essays & pull apart what is good & what is just total trash writing. It was a nightmare. Those were the worst, though other classes were nearly as bad. Contracts had a long essay on something we barely touched on in class. But such is life, right? I'll write more on actual finals in late Jan, when grades come out. I am not jinxing myself. But, yeah, they went fine... right... A little worried I didn't pass 1 of them... other then that I am feeling sort of ok...
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