Grades

Grades are in.

I guess I was waiting to post about finals until I got my grades... unsure of how I did, unsure of how the forced curve would work. Grades are a funny thing--a lot of people say they are the great equalizer, they are what take a 1L class & level the playing field... but after watching peoples' reactions to grades over the past few days, all I can see is a lot of heartache, wandering, and wondering, "How did that happen?" It is a lot like watching a community grieve. If there were something more defined to grieve for, maybe it would all make more sense... but there's not. Everyone you see is grieving for a different reason: some didn't get anywhere near the GPA they wanted, some are disappointed in a certain grade, while others mourn the notion that they don't really have a chance anymore to make Law Review.

And I guess that's what this is about to most people: Making Law Review... that 2 letter word that will open interviewers doors, that will write you a ticket to success... the first thing anyone looks for on your resume, and the only thing you've heard about for months, if not years... Law Review... I don't really understand the aura that surrounds Law Review. Maybe it's from my experiences as an undergrad, where everyone moved to the beat of their own drummer... where grades was more about doing well for yourself, then beating any classmate... where the seasons didn't begin & end with the posting of the grades. Or maybe it's from my years removed from undergrad... listening to stories & watching people go through real life difficulties in the military, and then going back to my alma mater & seeing the "other side" of the coin, from the professor angle as a grad student... Maybe it's my mentor's voice saying inside my head, "They are but one letter. They only represent you as much as you allow them to. They only control you as much as you allow it." Or maybe it's just my feeling that, like so many other things, they just are what they are... that they don't define me or rule me, that they are just more checkpoints along my journey. Either way, the hysteria that looms just below the surface at school as everyone goes through their own post-mortem mourning rituals, really makes me take a step back and wonder about what this is we are all striving for.

For me, I seek the knowledge. I will admit it: I love law school. Oh, I don't love everything about it--for instance, if I didn't have my civil procedure professor, I would probably love it a lot more... but still, I enjoy the topics. There are some classes I just outright adore, and others that I tolerate, but over all, I love it. I guess perhaps I haven't had this feeling very often about school... I have had it about many other things, but usually not about school. This time though, this time it's for me. I am at school because I want to be, I am pursing a law degree because I want to. And perhaps that is the difference between so many people & myself.

We had a mandatory career workshop last week. The counselor asked us all to write down why we wanted to be lawyers. You'd be surprised at the number of people who couldn't come up with a good reason. Which begs the question... WHY ARE YOU HERE?! Perhaps I am in the lucky minority that actually wants to be a lawyer. Perhaps it is just my years away from undergrad, having wandered over many paths, in many different directions, always learning something but never quite finding "the right thing" to do. Or maybe it's just cynicism... but seriously, if it is January 2008, you best know why you want to be a lawyer. Or else, what has been driving you this whole time?? What makes you tick?? Baffles the mind, sometimes.

And this brings me back to my oratory about grades. Did I do well? Yeah. Did I do well enough to make law review here? Probably. Am I in the top 10% of the class? Probably, though the statistics haven't been posted yet, so the jury is still out on that. Do I care? Well, only so much as I put in a lot of effort last semester, so I am glad to see it rewarded... and that it will help me do other things... but I am certainly not resting on my laurels (they have barely even had time to blossom), nor am I terribly too "excited"... after all, it's 12 credits & 4 months. I'm 25 yrs old and have hundreds of credits to my name. Perspective. All about perspective.

People frequently have been asking me what my grades were. I am hesitant to talk about it, mostly because one of two things happens. Either they get quiet & give me a look of "Oh, so YOU'RE my competition for law review..." or it's an awkward moment where they realize that they didn't do nearly as well & are somewhat embarrassed for having even asked me what my grades were. I am going to make T-shirts: "I am NOT your competition for Law Review, so you can treat me like a human being." It's like suddenly I have leprecy. I get good grades & all of a sudden no one wants to get near me. They find out what I get & then they go back to ignoring me again. And so is the status quo.

Bottom line? I wish we didn't get grades at all. It would certainly make for a more educational, cooperative environment. But until then, grow up people, life is too short to care about letters.